Friday, July 14, 2006


Anxiety gone wrong

I actually wrote this post this morning right after "the incident" but the darn spell checker done gone and erased the whole thing. I don't think I can recreate what I had written previously but I'll try. It's hard to get back to the same place...esp. when that place had barf breath.

I was really sure I was over the queasy stomach thing. It has been about a month now that the mention of "San Francisco", "airplane" and "passport holder" hasn't caused my stomach to flutter and lurch. Today is my last day at work. After which I have 10 days to sort, pack and store my things. So it really came as a surprise to me when after brushing my teeth and tongue, as I went to rinse the minty goodness that is toothpaste away, my belly started to heave. I stood at the sink waiting for it to pass but it only got stronger to the point when I upchucked a little bit of acid. But that stomach juice sacrifice did not satisfy and my diaphragm continued to spasm, so I disrobed - I was actually wearing a robe - and jumped into the shower again. This may be TMI but you see, the convulsions my middle goes thru also weakens the valve to my bladder and a little pee escapes. So I had to jump in the shower to "cover both ends".

Don't get me wrong; I am not generally a nervous person. I am not afraid to step foot on an fact, I should do it more often. I am not dreading this new adventure. So what gives you ask? I can't say for certain why but I can tell you who. My ex "J".

My relationship with "J" was tumultuous. It was also mostly long distance and it all ended very badly. For those of you who don’t know the story, I’ll have to tell it another time. Anyway it was during the long distance part that I discovered that when it came near to the time when I would be flying to see him or he was coming to see me, anytime I neared the airport my tummy would do flips. When I brushed my teeth in the morning, just as I was finishing off and brushing my tongue, my paunch would punch…and not just a couple blows. I’m talking a full 10 minutes of me trying to calm myself down lest last night’s dinner made a reappearance. I guess that should have been the biggest clue that the relationship was headed south.

I didn’t get much sleep last night either. It’s gonna be a tough 10 days

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